Three Things to Do When a Loved One Passes Away
Losing someone you love is one of the hardest experiences life asks us to face. And in the middle of that grief, you may suddenly find yourself responsible for something you never asked for and were never trained to do: legally wrapping up another person's entire life.
If you've been named the executor of the estate — or if there's no will and you'll need to step in as the administrator — you've probably already heard the word probate. It can sound intimidating, and the fear of "doing it wrong" is very real. The good news is that the first steps are manageable, and getting them right early can save you enormous stress, expense, and legal exposure down the road.
Here are the three things to focus on right now, before you ever set foot in a courtroom.
First, What Exactly Is Probate?
Probate is simply the court-supervised process of proving that a will is valid, paying the deceased person's final debts and taxes, and distributing whatever remains to the rightful heirs and beneficiaries. Every state runs probate a little differently, but the core purpose is the same everywhere: to settle a person's affairs in an orderly, lawful way.
One detail surprises almost everyone: being named in the will does not give you legal authority. Your power to act comes from the court, not from the document itself. Once the court reviews the will and formally appoints you, it issues a document called Letters Testamentary (or Letters of Administration, if there is no will). That piece of paper is what banks, title companies, and other institutions will require before they let you do anything on the estate's behalf.
Keep that principle in mind, because it shapes all three of the steps below.
1. Locate the Original Will — and Make Sure It's the Original
Courts require the physical, signed original Last Will and Testament. A photocopy or a scanned PDF is generally not enough on its own, and that single requirement causes more early headaches than almost anything else in probate.
Here's why it matters so much: when the original will was last known to be in the deceased person's possession and it cannot be found after death, the law in many states presumes the person destroyed it on purpose in order to revoke it. Overcoming that presumption is possible, but it usually means extra court hearings, sworn affidavits, and legal expense — exactly the kind of complication you want to avoid.
Start your search in the most likely places:
Home safes, fireproof boxes, and locked desk or filing-cabinet drawers
Bank safe deposit boxes (note: simply accessing one may itself require a court order)
With the attorney who drafted the will, or their former firm
Important-paperwork folders kept alongside deeds, insurance policies, and tax returns
If you find the original, do not staple, unstaple, paperclip, or otherwise alter it. Courts can treat stray staple holes or marks as a sign that a page was added or removed, which can raise unnecessary questions about the will's validity. Keep it exactly as you found it. And don't wait to act — deadlines for filing a will with the court vary widely from state to state, and some give you only a matter of weeks.
2. Do Not Touch the Assets — Yet
This is the most counterintuitive step, and the one well-meaning families get wrong most often. In the immediate aftermath of a death, the instinct is to be helpful: pay the outstanding bills, settle the credit cards, or hand a treasured heirloom to the relative you know was promised it.
Please resist that urge. Until the court officially appoints you and issues your Letters Testamentary, you do not have the legal power to move money, sell property, or distribute belongings. Acting too early — even with the best intentions — can expose you to personal liability and spark disputes among heirs.
There is an important distinction here, though. Securing the assets is not the same as spending or distributing them — and securing is exactly what you should be doing:
Lock up the home and any vehicles, and make sure they stay insured
Safeguard valuables, jewelry, and important documents
Redirect the mail and keep an eye on accounts so nothing is lost or stolen
What you should not do is pay creditors, write checks from the estate, transfer titles, or give away personal property. Those actions wait until you have authority. For now, think of yourself as a protector and record-keeper — not yet a decision-maker.
3. Secure and Gather the Paperwork
The court will eventually require a detailed, accurate inventory of everything the deceased person owned. The sooner you begin assembling it, the smoother the entire process will be.
Start collecting:
Real estate deeds and mortgage statements
Vehicle titles and registrations
Recent bank, brokerage, and retirement account statements
Life insurance policies and annuity contracts
Outstanding bills, loan documents, and credit card statements
Several certified copies of the death certificate (you'll need more than you expect)
Two habits will make your life dramatically easier. First, keep meticulous records of everything — every document you find, every account you locate, every step you take. Careful documentation is one of your best protections if anyone ever questions how you handled the estate. Second, don't assume every asset passes through probate. Jointly owned property, accounts with named beneficiaries, and assets held in a living trust often transfer outside of probate entirely. Sorting out which is which is one of the first things an experienced attorney can help you untangle.
Why One Wrong Move Can Make You Personally Liable
Here is the part that keeps experienced probate attorneys watchful on behalf of their clients: the law requires that an estate's debts be paid in a specific order of priority. Administrative costs and certain taxes generally come first; ordinary creditors such as credit card companies come later; and beneficiaries are paid last, only after valid debts have been satisfied.
If an estate doesn't have enough money to pay everyone — what's called an insolvent estate — and you pay a lower-priority creditor (or hand assets to a family member) before settling a higher-priority obligation, you can be held personally responsible for the difference. In practice, that means a creditor or even the IRS could come after your own bank account, sometimes years after you believed the estate was closed.
None of this is meant to frighten you. It's meant to underscore a simple truth: probate is governed by strict rules, tight deadlines, and a precise order of operations. A single honest mistake, made out of kindness or haste, can carry real consequences. You don't have to guess your way through it.
How We Can Help
Settling a loved one's estate while you are grieving is a heavy burden, and you don't have to carry it alone. Our experienced estate and probate team helps families navigate every stage of the process — from locating and filing the will, to getting you properly appointed, to paying debts in the correct order and distributing assets the right way — so you stay protected from start to finish.
Schedule your free consultation with our estate team today, and take the next step with confidence. 212-419-0118
This article is provided for general informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Probate laws, deadlines, and procedures vary significantly from state to state and change over time. For guidance specific to your situation, please consult a licensed attorney in your jurisdiction.
